Shave to save your life!
We’ve already told you that beards are over, so if you’re still hanging onto your facial hair then more fool you. Not only is it no longer the look du jour, but you’re also letting yourself in for a whole host of other beard-related strife – with a health and safety risk around every corner, it’s an accident just waiting to happen!
Have you ever stopped to think just how dangerous it could be to cultivate a beard? No? Well don’t worry, we’ve done it for you. Here are seven brand-spanking new reasons to get shot of it and shave.
1. Death by strangulation
In the dark of the night, your friendly facial fringe becomes a foe, just waiting to get itself wrapped around your neck, leaving you gasping for air. Asphyxiation? All because you were too stubborn to shave? It’s a terrible price to pay.
2. Up in smoke
Enjoy a ‘manly’ cigar, do you? Well, news for you, smoking is just as over as the beard. Not only that, but it poses a shocking risk to your masculine good looks – one stray spark, and it’s curtains for you. Hair goes up in flames in the blink of an eye, but short of simply doing you a favour and ridding you of your beard, it’s more likely that it will keep on going, and believe us, it’s not a risk you want to take.
Heard enough? Hold it right there, we haven’t finished with you yet.
3. What a drag
Car sharing is all the rage these days, what with our current obsession with saving the environment, but you must take extra care when leaving a friend’s vehicle on arrival at your destination. Getting your beard trapped in the door as you slam it behind you could see you dragged face-down along the road for miles, and we’re willing to put a bet on it that you wouldn’t be looking so pretty once your ordeal had ended.
4. Beard smoothie
Picture the scene. You’re making a morning smoothie for your girlfriend (what a gent you are), when all of a sudden, it’s not just berries and yoghurt getting churned around in there, but you, too. Yep, you put the lid back on without taking care to locate your beard, and before you know it, it’s dragged you in. Smoothie ingredient you are not, so all the more reason to get grooming!
5.A ‘hairy’ situation
When using the little boy’s room, all is going well. But what would happen should your beard accidentally dangle down the toilet? The smell would have people running for cover for the rest of the day, and heaven forbid you should be tempted to use it in place of toilet paper when you find there is no other option. Out and out disgusting – this one may not be fatal, but it’s certainly suicide for your reputation.
6. Chain reaction
There you go again, trying once again to keep the pollution at bay and save the earth. But little do you know, you’re letting yourself in for more than you bargained for – sooner or later, that beard is going to get caught up in the chain or wheel spokes, and it’s over the handle-bars for you.
7.Pulling the plug
It’s been a trying day, what with all your beard-related near misses, so what better way to wash away the stresses and strains than with a long, hot, relaxing bath. You’re not out of harm’s way just yet though – an error in judgement could be costly, so get out of the tub before you take the plug out to avoid getting sucked in.
So there you have it, growing a beard is a death trap, and if you’ve got one, shave it off now! Your life could depend on it!