Introducing The Bluebeards Revenge – Barber-Grade Performance for All
Bluebeards of the world, unite!
Millions of men all over the world share a common problem – that tough stubble that seems to defy the attentions of every shaving product and blunts the edge of even the keenest razor (a conundrum known as the ‘Bluebeard’). Add to that the mountain of other grooming woes you are constantly forced to endure and you’re faced with a daily battle that even the manliest of men can’t win.
There really are few things worse in the morning than the misery of an inadequate grooming routine – believe us, we know! Lucky for you though, you have landed in the right place – and there’s no need to put up with it any longer!
It’s your own fault!
Are you often reaching for a can of pathetic supermarket foam designed for the Bum-Fluff Brigade in an attempt to tackle your stubborn ‘Bluebeard’? Or perhaps a super-expensive designer-label concoction that’s more akin to face cream than a shaving preparation for Real Men?
Or do you find yourself forever repurchasing gels, soaps and hairsprays that promise the earth and deliver a soul-crushing nothing, leaving you smelling as if you’ve been raiding your grandmother’s bathroom cabinet all the while?
If you’re tired of spending your hard-earned cash on disappointingly girly products flogged to you at massive margins, then stop right there. What you really need are the manliest of grooming products designed for Real Men, by Real Men.
The Ultimate Shaving & Grooming Experience for Real Men!
Forget stubborn stubble, dry, miserable skin and unruly hair that leaves you looking as though you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards. Whether it’s lumps, bumps and razor rash, a wayward moustache or a nightmare hair day that’s ruining your morning, The Bluebeards Revenge is the solution, taking you from untamed beast to manly masterpiece in a matter of mere minutes.
Designed by a real life problem shaver and all-round ‘Bluebeard’, The Bluebeards Revenge originally began life as a barbershop-quality shaving range aimed at men with tough stubble, but nowadays it is so much more. As well as helping the problem shaver overcome his woes, our styling products are designed to tame the manliest of manes, along with beard oils and moustache waxes, soaps and bodywashes, shampoos and conditioners, moisturisers and fragrances. Not only that, but we also sport a selection of top notch grooming accessories and hardware designed especially for Real Men.
Warning, Bum-Fluff Brigade!
If you are a fully paid-up member of the Bum-Fluff Brigade then The Bluebeards Revenge simply is not for you! We respectfully suggest that you try some of the foamy stuff you can get from any supermarket, as The Bluebeards Revenge is designed for Real Men. Your pathetic excuses for whiskers don’t deserve The Bluebeards Revenge. Before buying any product in The Bluebeards Revenge range, we ask you to kindly check whether or not you really deserve to be using such a heavy duty range of products.
Love Life Warning
Stand by to repel boarders – when we selected the scent we went through a fastidious process to ensure that The Bluebeards Revenge smelt totally delicious to both the user and the object of their desires – and my, did we pull it off! Universally acclaimed for being masculine but ever so slightly irresistible to anyone who comes within sniffing distance, The Bluebeards Revenge is set to change your love life forever. Expect a few admiring neck nuzzles from the love of your life as they not only check out your smooth shave but take a sly sniff at the very same time. Sorry – we couldn’t help it! Take advantage when you can, even if it means being late for work!
Sense of humour failure?
As you might be able to tell from our approach and rather unique packaging, we are determined not to take life too seriously. So if you are suffering from a severe bout of sense of humour failure it is probably best not to buy The Bluebeards Revenge in the first place as we are guaranteed to misbehave with proceeds!
The Bluebeards Revenge is totally against animal testing!
We couldn’t actually find any guinea pigs, beagles, lab rats or rabbits daft enough to volunteer for product testing, so we resorted to roping in real human beings instead! Luckily the boys in the lab did a fine job, and all the chaps survived the experience with no ill-effects. You can use all of The Bluebeards Revenge’s consumables with no fear and a totally clear conscience!
The Bluebeards Revenge® is the registered trademark of Dash Direct Ltd (Company number 04223426).
VAT No: GB 777 7744 61